Footloose – How to Turn Your Town Around in Four Easy Steps

The Curator has been working so hard. We keep punching our card. Eight hours - for what? Oh, tell us what we got. We get this feeling…that time's just holding us down. We’ll hit the ceiling, or else we'll tear up this town.

But what to do about it? What we need is an action plan.

FIRST - We Got to Turn You Around

We’ll do that by showing you, in not uncertain terms, why our back-water small town and it’s “laws” are jacked. Dry town? Sure, we can see that. Hicks hate everything but church and guns anyway, and teenagers have absolutely no desire to experiment with the spirits, so they’ll never miss it.

But pass a law against dancing? Jump back. That’s just asking for trouble. Why? Because when a big town hero like Ren moves in, a guy who likes his music loud and hopin’ and his VW bug a-rockin’, he’s gonna start some trouble. He’s got an attitude that needs watching, to be sure, and he is just the kind of hero that we need.

He’ll begin his discourse with an initial vocalization his discontent, and by the breaking of a few “rules”. But it will be enough to rattle the establishment, to encourage a bit of intro-level disobedience. Some folk’ll start to doubt the seemingly perfect air of righteousness permeating this town.

SECOND - You put your feet on the ground

Kick off your Sunday shoes and stand firm. You're playing so cool, obeying every rule. But if you dig way down in your heart, you’ll find that you're yearning, burning, for someone to tell you that life ain’t passing you by.

So what are you waiting for? First of all don’t let a little thing like an all-powerful Reverend or intimidating town hall meeting get in your way. Speak from your heart, and believe in your dreams. And if the best argument that you can come up with is, “It’s Our Time Dance,” then “Our Time to Dance” it is.

THIRD - Now take a hold of your soul

You can fly if you'd only…
This is what empty warehouses, school gymnasiums and the vague unused spaces of stretching farmland are for. And thanks to the corporate-ization of America, your town should have plenty of those.

Here is where you take your frustration out at being held back in the first place (solo-gymnastic-inspired dancing sequences) and the betterment of the lives of others (teaching hopelessly uncoordinated shit kickers how to get jiggy.) Soon you will realize that not only are these spaces perfect for self-discovery and some heart-felt, intense soul searching, but are also useable for the greater good, for the showcase of your teen-spirit, your life-affirming dance of the small-town gods!

FOUR - Whooooooooa, I'm turning it…loose…FOOTLOOSE!

Initially, everyone may appear a bit intimidated by this new life-order, but give them a break, they’ve never even danced before. Lives have been changed, stereotypes have been exploded. All that you’ll need for the final push is an ass-shaking Kenny Loggins tune to get this party started.

Here at last, is where you may reap your reward. Not only is Prom a complete success, but you have succeeded in effectively opening the eyes of all those stodgy, fun-killing, religious wackos in your town’s high political positions. Now dance you fool! And enjoy the self-satisfied sparkle that you emit, touching everyone in your wake.

5 Lessons Learned from Cocoon

5 Lessons Learned from Cocoon:

1. Old people are feisty – They get uproarious and passionate about things, and not just a lack of 4 pm supper options. Also they curse, want to have adventures involving trespassing and sneaky swimming in abandoned pools, and they talk about farting, boners and ball sacks.

2. Old people are selfish – Aliens be damned! They don’t care if swimming in a pool for the restoration of their fleeting youth at the good graces of a couple kindly aliens sucks the life blood out of 10,000 year old space travelers. When the time comes to ditch this world for the next they are willing to do it at the expense of anyone who gets in there way. Earthlings be damned!

3. Aliens are not all bad – It could be the rest of our video collection talking, but we were shocked to discover not all aliens want to destroy, dismember, melt faces, kidnap hicks for scientific research purposes, and/or obliterate civilizations. Some will, for absolutely no reason, save a group of good-for-nothing old timers from certain death, even though they have done nothing but contribute to a pain in their glowing asses for the last 90 minutes.

4. Yelling “Fountain of Youth” in a crowded old-folks home is akin to yelling “Fire” in a movie theatre. And we now know this from our own experience (both instances)

5. Old people still "do it" – And talk about doing it. And apparently want to do it with other old people. Also see # 1.

Who knew?!