The Lasting Legacy of GW Bailey: Blood, Sweat, Cursing & Film Security

Lieutenant Harris. Captain Felix Maxwell. Skroeder. Anyway you slice him, GW Bailey is the cop/security guard you love to hate. While each of these films deserves a more thorough examination for their many, many merits, the Curator once again takes time to devote a post to an overlooked co-star: GW Bailey, the embodiment of type-casting at its finest. The classic line, "Do you understand me numb-nuts??!!" in the original Police Academy pretty much nailed his career coffin shut, with Bailey preserved inside, permanently costumed in blue. And who benefits from such predictability in the comedy genre? Why we the viewer, of course! Let us celebrate the co-starring career of the first GW.

The Films: Police Academy, Short Circuit, Mannequin

Viewing order importance: As above. Watch the depth of GW Bailey’s character study deepen, as his rank progressively dives

Police Academy (1984) – GW co-stars as Lt. Harris, and is given the unhappy task of weeding out the undesirables of this year's Police Academy recruits. Preferably, those without johnsons, but every other slacker as well (cue evil laughter). Lines such as, "You people are going to hate my guts for the rest of your lives!” immediately set GW up to be the sorry recipient of most cadets’ jokes. Bailey the actor is many things, but proud he ain't. Here he establishes himself as the drinkin' and unthinkin' man's R. Lee Ermey. What sort of match could he be against suave Mahoney, played by ever dashing Steve Guttenberg? Guttenberg, who can come up with such brilliant schemes as "brown shoe polish on the megaphone mouth piece" and “send the ass-kissers to the fake party at the Gay Biker Bar,” and the old “hide a prostitute in a podium to give someone a blow job” gag? But phase Harris, he does not. He's a tough nut to crack, continuously proving he is willing to be at the literal ass end of any joke for our entertainment, by riding a dirt bike head first into a horse's butthole.

Short Circuit (1986) – As once was not enough punishment, Bailey takes another turn starring opposite Steve Guttenberg. GW first appears right after the Robot Explosion technique extravaganza, unfazed, sour puss and all. The viewer immediately recognizes Skroeder as a potential problem. Big ass security for big ass Nova Labs, he is obviously ALL business and no pleasure, the opposite of Robot Number 5. Indeed, Number 5 is the nemesis of our GW Bailey, though the humiliation here is, deservedly, mostly Guttenberg's.

GW is simply more of a meany here, and less of a joke receptacle. But hate him we do, for how can anyone other than Satan himself want to deny Number 5 his Scientist given rights of Life, Liberty and Pursuit of Input? Why Skroeder of course, who only desires to blow up the clever Number 5 and get on with his life. "This little fart of a robot is beginning to give me the red ass!!” he threatens. He is after all only trying to do his job. And DOES his job, he do, blowing up what he believes to be Number 5. And what’s the thanks he gets? He gets fired! What a pile of horseshit. But that would explain his next role, having been seemingly demoted to Department Store Securing Guard in…..

Mannequin (1987) - Andrew McCarthy and Kim Cattrall notwithstanding, GW is again pretty much on his own against the cool kids, though here he is far more of a kiss ass, certainly less of a bad ass, and mostly just much more of a dumb ass. Bailey as Felix is set on the case to destroy both the flourishing love and career of Andrew “Failed Artist” McCarthy, by the awesomely uber-geeky James Spader, at failing department store Prince & Company. Flourishing love story, that is, as demonstrated by a dancing, costume changing montage interrupted by wildly cliché gay man, further interrupted by Felix.

Mannequin is quite painful to swallow, even for the Curator, who has a film-going stomach coated in Teflon. The most remarkable element of Mannequin is that every single actor in this film seems to be joining GW in creating characters that are the worst parody of the worst role any of them have ever played. And none of them seem to care. Well, far be it from the Curator to judge. At least GW is not alone.

Conclusion: This 1 star trilogy neatly sums up GW’s career in security, in both private and pubic sectors, in a mostly digestible 4 and ½ hours. But do not let the uniform fool you. Look beyond the tough exterior, and see the man who lay beneath. Know your enemy, as it were. Does he not desire love, affection, and peace on earth as we all do? Let us learn from his lasting legacy, and get your worthless ass to the video store and rent this trilogy! Move it Move it Move it Move it!