B4 24 - The Passion of Kiefer Sutherland

Kiefer Sutherland is a passionate man. Indeed, how could anyone who has ever sat through one episode of 24, with Kiefer alternating between his soft intense snarl, and his flat-out crazed roaring ever accuse him of passionlessness? We suspect the war on terror would have ended in early 2002, had the government actually employed such a solider. Imagine Kiefer, staggering over the rocky mountain passes of Afghanistan, sneaking up on Taliban fighters, MacGyver-ing some torture devise out of his personal, stand-by nipple clamps and some rogue lightning, while grabbing them by their scruffy necks and growling, “I need you to take me to Bin Laden, and I need you to do it NOW.”

But what of the early years? Has Kiefer always been so intense, or has his life as a Federal Counter-Terrorism Field Op hardened his demeanor, forcing him to put aside all of his own interests, for the good of all of us ungrateful, unpatriotic, and clueless Angelinos?

Let us take a look and rate: Lost Boys, Young Guns, Flatliners

The Lost Boys

Kiefer leads a pack of swellheaded vampires and is looking to expand the family. They may indeed appear to be a harmless bunch of pseudo rock star wannabes, guilty only of raiding a high school band uniform store for their wears, but it is leadership that keeps them in check.

Kiefer first targets the young Jason Patric as a food source, but quickly comes to realize he was in error by initially deciding to sacrifice such a strong addition. Was it Jason's willingness to participate in a motorcycle race? Or was it his eagerness to eat worms, maggots and drink blood? His inability to resist the monotonous chanting of “Join Us”? Whatever the case, Kiefer knows a good bet when he sees it. This of course sets Kiefer in opposition to young heart throbs, Coreys Haim and Feldman. He must have known what he was up against by antagonizing the impenetratible force-field that was “The Coreys.” But stick to his vampiric ideals he does, even to his death, as is forced-through “by stereo.”

Passion rating: 4 fangs.
Youthful passion and belief in one’s chosen life style more than adequately displayed, misguided as it may be.

Young Guns

Starring as cowboy and plagiarizing poet Josiah Gordon “Doc” Scurlock, Kiefer here is one of Billy the Kids’ gang from imagined beginnings. He steals the show by demonstrating his understated sensitivity whilst swimming in a sea of testosterone. Doc is quick on the draw in a fight, always there for a pal, and damn if he can’t sweep a Celestial woman off her feet with some lifted Shakespeare or Edgar Allen Poe. His flower bunch may be withered, but it is the thought that counts, and fresh flowers are particularly hard to come by in the wilds of eastern New Mexico, we can attest. He may not always agree with the gang mentality, but he’ll be there, stepping in where needed, most of the time.

Passion rating: 3 1/2 wilted flower petals.
Passion for the lady strongly represented, but not equally so for the boys. Dicks should at least be on equal footing with chicks.

Flatliners

Kiefer’s passion is contagious in Flatliners, as he infects four of his fellow med students with a lust to discover what lay beyond the grave. These five doctors in training decide to step on God’s toes and kill themselves, relying on their fellow egomaniacal students to bring them back to life, for the greater good of finding out what exactly happens. Passion? Oh yes. When the group discovers they have brought their haunted pasts into the present, Kiefer’s not too proud to get his ass kicked by some kid. Repeatedly. It’s all for the good of the plot after all, and far be it from Kiefer to ever stray from the object of his character’s intensity.

Passion rating: 5 heart blips.
Angry, narcissistic and with a God-complex to boot, followed by vulnerability and humble acceptance of the Universe? Kiefer, you had us at “Today is a good day to die.”

Conclusion: 24 ain’t got nothing new.

Apologies

We apologize for the recent lack of posts. The Curator has come down with some old-timey illness of our own. More to come...