The Future's So Bright .....I Gotta Kill Humans

The Films: Terminator 2 vs. The Matrix

At their roots, T2 and The Matrix are essentially the same movie. The future is grim, machines have taken over, and a small band of rebel humans are attempting to take the world back, by force. With such similarities, a comparison is thus solicited: in a face off, would the Terminators beat the Machines of the Matrix? What if the good and bad guys in each film were switched? Could the Terminators beat Neo and Co.? How would John Conners and Mom fare against the Agents? What about John Conners versus Neo? Who is the more hearty insurgent? And what effect does the wearing of sunglasses have on one’s level of badassness? Let's compare, shall we?

The Machines of Terminator 2 – T2 is by far the superior of the 3 Terminator films, but also an appropriate flick to use for the purpose of comparing actual machinery. There are two options here, the old stand by and the new and improved version. How do they rate? Arnold is pretty sturdy, sort of the "old reliable" of the Terminator machines. He can take a licking, but he also has some pretty serious defects. His head, simply put, is squashable. His CPU is apparently located there, and with enough force, one can easily take him out. Yes, he may have a back-up power source, but any foe worth fighting would research these weaknesses and be ready to exploit them. The new improved Melty-Metal Terminator however, played by the ultra cool Robert Patrick, is a far more worthy adversary. His head can be squashed and reformed, no problemo. Melty-Metal Robert's only weakness seems to be a well placed foundry, which in time, the Curator is sure, he will be able to avoid in most chase scenarios.
Sunglasses all around, check.

The Machines of The Matrix - Here we essentially have a couple different types of machines; the buggish, worker machines, and the human-looking agents. For the purposes of this comparison, we will focus on solely on the human-type machines. These dudes are pretty bad ass, much like Metal Robert above. They can move way faster than humans, recover easily from injury and are basically all knowing. They designed the Matrix, and thus know its various ins and outs. How can they be beat then? Mind over matter, boys. Mind over matter. As Morpheus states, the machines are a part of the Matrix, and are thus grounded by its rules. Anyone with a bit of mind control should be able to waste these fools.
Sunglasses, check.

The Humans of Terminator 2 - The humans here are at a pretty solid disadvantage compared to the humans of the Matrix. They have no super powers, few geeky computer skills and are mostly muscle rather than brain. Sure, they have access to a lot of weaponry, some solid black market buying power, the will to be trained in a military type atmosphere, and the desire to save humanity from all out destruction, but really, they come up a bit short. All they really have working in their favor is a constant supply of speedy vehicles and a bit of luck.
Sunglasses? Nope.

The Humans of The Matrix – The few that are not sucked into the dream-world matrix are pretty solid. One or two defectors aside, as long as they can wrap their intellect around metaphors such as "the body cannot live without the mind" and "the mind makes it real," they are mostly indestructible. Enter Neo. He tops them all by learning to destroy agents by "absorption,” while his mind is completely free of all normal human restraints. First he disarms his enemy with his blank, dull-eyed stare, therefore confounding his foe into believing he is as stupid as he looks. Then he kicks a lot. Draw backs: when not plugged in, he is just a big fucking geek who knows too much about computers.
Sunglasses, check.

The Verdicts:

On the Machines: Metal Robert of T2 has the clear advantage over Arnold, as well as The Matrix agents. How so? Physically, the only way to destroy him is by melting him at extreme temperatures. He can not be absorbed, tricked, plugged into or even frozen.

On the Humans:
The Humans in T2 are lame. There is no comparison between them and Neo, even if Neo is only kicking virtual ass. All John and family have at their disposal is a huge arsenal and some stolen cars. Neo can stop bullets and fly. Case closed.

Conclusions:

1. Sunglasses directly contribute to one’s level of hardcoreness and fighting ability.

2. Melty-Metal Robert must meet Neo in a Face 2 Face grudge match. Winner takes all. The fate of the free world lay in the balance. Unfortunately for us humans, the Curator's money is on Melty-Metal Robert.