True Love and Dating Advice – Leçons de l'amour from the 1980’s

Relationship on the rocks? Love life gone awry? Spending too many Saturday nights alone, washing your hair? Well, dear reader, you have not done your homework. Everything you need to know to have a successful love life you should have learned long ago, in the mid-1980’s.

Examples you ask? But of course! The three most important lessons of the successful love affair can be learned, right here, from:

The Breakfast Club, Desperately Seeking Susan, Crocodile Dundee

Lesson 1 - You CAN TOO Change Someone (The Breakfast Club)

Stereotypes are very easy to overcome. High school cliques are only as powerful as the kids who believe in them, so let's break down these walls! All we need is a little pot to lose our inhibitions. Jocks aren't so bad! They feel as sensitively as the nerds do. The bad guy isn't really so "bad" either, in fact, he may even sacrifice himself for the good of everyone else! And people really care about each other! Even though all your actual high school experience may tell you differently, all you need is 8 hours locked in a room together, some drugs, a couple of tears, and some soul searching confessions, and everyone can work out 100 years of high school clique programming. And fall in love. If the object of your desire doesn’t appear to be changing, you really must not be trying hard enough. When all else fails, blame yourself. And try again.

Lesson 2 - Looks Are Everything (Desperately Seeking Susan)

A makeover can, and WILL change everything about your life, because looks are everything. Think your life is boring and unexciting? Well, there’s nothing a quick shopping spree won’t fix. Got your eye on a snazzy, second-hand jacket? Go ahead with that purchase young lady. And what’s this in my pocket - a mysterious key? Well, open your heart to me, crazy black jacket, and let’s see what sort of alter ego we can collaboratively come up with. Whoops! Now I’ve got amnesia! Darn it all. But luckily, I found a suitcase full of crap, black eyeliners, and stolen jewelry, so I can become my own hero: a crazy, flighty, punk rock slut with an affinity for being in the wrong place at the right time. A few misadventures later, and I’ve become Madonna’s best friend, ditched the boring suburban life, and found me the man of my dreams. Thank you, accidental make-over!!

Lesson 3 - Opposites Attract = Smart Dating Advice (Crocodile Dundee)

Bored Newspaper heiress seeks adventure “down under.” Wanted: Craggily faced native for long walk-a-bouts, near death experience by ‘gator, and long, simplistic musings under the light of the Australian moon, eventually ending up in a gratuitous SECOND “fish-out-of-water scenario” in New York City.

Just because you and your new soul mate come from different worlds doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dive head first into the shallow end, attempting to prove everyone else wrong. By all means. What we know from extensive analysis of Crocodile Dundee is this: every major life change one undertakes will end happily. Love conquers all. All you need is love. As long as you are in love, you'll always have a happy ending with a complete stranger after hangin' in the bush for 2 days. And dont be afraid to kick off your shoes, chase down your loved one through the streets of Manhattan, and participate in a romantic, modern-day game of "telephone" in a crowded subway.

Lesson recap: Try to change someone, looks are everything, and happy endings are real. Follow this advice. Follow it to the end, to the death! You will never be disappointed, and your life will be filled with joy. Now go forth, and love someone. Hard.