Buddy Buddy

The Buddy Movie. 2 guys from different worlds, against all odds, thrown into the fray, somehow learning to work together, defeat the bad guys, and become friends at the end. Inspiration? Oh yeah. Taking a day off work of scouring the dollar video bins, and the #1 double feature of the day is:

Tango & Cash, Rush Hour 2: the two finest examples of Buddy Cop movies to grace the Curator's shelves.

Tango & Cash - Tango, played by Mr. Sly "Rambo is a Pussy" Stallone, kicks the film off by doing some major wrong to bad ass coke mover Jack Palance somewhere in the California desert. Meanwhile, back in Los Angeles, enter Tango, the fluffy, feather-haired Kurt Russell, who simultaneously busts another of Jack's crimes. Jack vows to, "Do something" about our fair cops Tango & Cash, who are always foiling his evil plans. Is this some kind of police teamwork you ask? Oh no, Tango & Cash are at odds. They are each far too bad ass to work with a partner. As their own chief of police states, it's the "Downtown Clown versus the Beverly Hills Wop." Touché.

But what is Jack up too? Some diabolical scheme to put an end to these do-gooders? But not death! They mustn’t be killed. That's too easy. Beat them at their own game, and pin a crime on them, ruin their cred. One shoddy audio tape later along with some planted guns, and fast forward to the trial.

Things are not going Tango & Cash's collective way. Turns out they may have to cop a plea to get out of this one. And another mistake! They somehow got put in general population at a hard time prison. Oh shit. This ain't Club Fed; torture, and beat downs, you better fuckin’ believe it. The whole damn system is corrupt, so much that the only way out is escape. And when T & C are out, someone is gonna have to pay.

Out they get, at first reverting back to their lone wolf ways, trying to solve this puzzle on their own, won't they ever learn? They may be sworn enemies secretly desiring to hate fuck*, but only by working together will they crack this one, and redeem their valors. Action packin', hot sister a dancin', walk in on fake misunderstood sex a havin' scenes lead up to each guy getting to drive his own power vehicle, side by side, through the bad guys' warehouse. How to end it after all that? Nothing will do but a classic high-five hand clap still to fade out into newspaper photograph of redeemed heroes. Awesome!!!

*see gratuitous prison shower scene complete with soap bar drop preceded by expected penis-size joke

Rush Hour 2
Rush Hour 1 = perfectly honed mass consumption masterpiece. Why fuck with the formula? The unlikely pairing of Chinese and Black guy cops, worlds apart, are reunited, again, for more high-larity.

Chris joins Jackie in Hong Kong for some relaxing fun. Jackie promises to show him a good time, but damn it! Work is always interfering! And what new danger do they face in version 2: A hot chick in a wig, blowing up buildings.

We can always count on kung fu madness to break out at any given moment when traipsing with Jackie through the Buddy Comedy landscape, and treated we are: Hong Kong massage parlor, rich guy’s yacht, and all the way to Chinese-themed Las Vegas casino. They were supposed to be on vacation though! How unfair the world, but what a chance for more hilarious cultural misunderstandings to ensue! What better way to enjoy racial-misunderstandings-light, then to have a yellow and a black make fun of themselves! Black man making fun of yellow man’s penis size. Yellow man making fun of black man’s earlier reference to never touching a black man’s radio. As our hero Chris Tucker states, behind every big crime is a “Rich White Guy,” so too, Hollywood Action Movie. Ah the magic of the moving picture!