Can't Get No Respect

The Films:
The Color of Money, Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith
A back-to-back mentor bitch slap!

Just when you think your surly pupils couldn't get anymore ungrateful for all your sacrifices, they betray you and beat you at your own game. And try to kill you. Sons-a-bitches.....

One teaches by pool cue, one by light saber, but the story is the same. Where Fast Eddie says, "Money won is twice as sweet as money earned," Vince Lauria and Anakin Skywalker would simultaneously whine, "But it's thrrreeeeee times as AWESOME when you use your mentor’s best moves to trick him, take the easy route through the pool hall/the dark side and THEN win ANYWAY showing all the haters who doubted that I am really SO much better than stupid old meany-pants! That’ll show him not to misunderestimate me again!"

These damn kids, so smug about their "powers," letting their egos get in the way of peace, justice, The Force, and pool hustling. A little humility for the greater good, can we? But no! Whether it’s the short term pay off of 20 bucks in the pocket, or turning to the dark side....sighs....these Senseis get no respect!

Viewing order: Either/or

The Color of Money: Paul Newman sees in Tom Cruise his younger self, an eager, haughty, yet talented 9-Ball player. His hair is perfect, as is his game. What he lacks is discipline, and a wee sense of modesty, all things that Fast Eddie Felson can teach him on a whirlwind, desperate-bid-at-the-fountain-of-youth, pool hall road-trip. If only Vince would play along! Has he learned nothing? Ooooh he’s so smug! Flashing that talent around, showing off. When Eddie gets schooled by Forest Whitaker in front of Vince, the relationship falls apart. There is then a very exciting Battle of the Cues in Atlantic City, where Fast Eddie is at first vindicated by winning the match. Respect your elders, Vince! But that damn kid comes back and throws money in Eddie’s face! Claiming to have “thrown the game.” DAMN IT! How can this never ending cycle be resolved? Eh, let’s hit the road again together.

Moral: Youthful showoffs triumph over old fogey.

Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith: It’s been a couple years or so since Anakin got it on legally, albeit secretly, with Padme. Now knockin’ the boots on a semi-regular basis, he turns his dissatisfactory nature to feeling under appreciated at the office. And who is most responsible? Obi-Wan of course. For all he ever did was raise him like a son, teach him everything he knows, and support him for the last 10 years. What a dick!! Anakin is SOOOO sick of Obi-Wan bossing him around, and decides his only way out is a short cut to the top, via the Dark Side Super-Highway. And since you always hurt the ones you love, Obi-Wan has got to go. Light saber Battle Royale ensues on hell-like planet somewhere near the outer rim. Both warriors constantly claim their skill is superior to the other, but Obi-Wan declares victory, claiming he has the “higher ground.” But Anakin shows him. Never mind his lack of legs, arms and skin. Dude gets remade into the biggest, baddest, blackest half man, half robot that side of the Milky Way, and Obi-Wan has to go kick it in the deserts of Tatooine for the next 20 years, drowning his sorrows in the dive bars of Mos Eisley, again the reluctant father.

Moral: The high road leads to a long fall. Live fast, burn young, and become a bad ass.

Grade: F for Fuckin’ Ungrateful Brats!!