Your Key to Easy Physical Transformation

Hey, how you doin’ on those New Year's Resolutions? Kickin’ ass? Already flaked out? Well, the Curator is proud to announce that we are already well on the way to exceeding our personal resolution of buying and watching more dollar video tapes. Of course, everyone can't be as determined. Might we suggest an easy, quickie fix? Something that can be done in as little as an hour, and shouldn’t take more than an afternoon? However can I improve myself, my reputation, and my love life so quickly, you ask? Why a make-over, of course. But I wouldn’t even know where to start, you say? Well, help and inspiration are all around you:

Grease, Can't Buy Me Love, Jawbreaker

Those who lack self-loathing need not apply.

Grease – The classic High School Make-Over Movie from which all others sprang.

Leader of the Pack Danny Zuko and sweet Girl from Down-Under Sandy Ollson have nothing in common. Nothing other than all those crazy, lusty, summer nights. But every Summer has a Fall, where they are thrust into the cruel world of High School Clique Expectations. Their undying love flounders. Can they somehow overcome? Well duh, as long as someone completely changes their personality to more appropriately match the other. And their wardrobe. Might we suggest black?

Director Randal Kleiser attempts to show, in that final, fateful scene, that both parties end up changing for each other, by showing Danny has "lettered" in track. But that’s a pile. What all good-girls learned from this film is that the only way to get that bad-boy to notice you is to paint on some shiny black pants and take up smoking. Danny doesn't run off with flouncey, boppy, cheerleader Patty Simcox now does he? Hell. No.

Can't Buy Me Love - A rare male make-over movie, and not to be missed. What happens when you mix bad 80’s fashion, a glass of wine, a pathetic dork and a Tucson house party? A recipe for hi-larity!

Poor Patrick Dempsey is quite a loser, working in the hot Arizona sun, saving money to buy a telescope, and lusting after popular girl-next-door, Cindy Mancini. Having the realization that he can only gain the attention and affection of said girl by bribing her into being his girlfriend, he decides to invest in his reputation, rather than his mind. And guess what? It works!!

Of course, all that popularity power eventually goes to his head, as first he gains, and then quickly loses, it all. Patrick and Cindy both learn a valuable lesson in the end though, as together they slowly, and literally, sludge off into the sunset on a riding lawn mower: It's good to be the King.

Jawbreaker - Say you can’t find a friend to make you over, or are short on hush money. How to get yourself some leverage with the popular kids? Well, have you considered blackmail?

Little Fern Mayo is the geekiest girl in town. She is also obsessed with beautiful popular chick Liz, and is always trying to figure out ways to be her friend. She positions herself to view some no-no’s by heading over to Liz’s to stalk her, and witnesses Liz’s murder by her best friends instead. Rather than tell the cops however, Fern sees an opportunity. In return for her silence, she gets the hot girls to transform her dorky self into a stylish and beautiful exchange student named Vylette. Now she’s hot, and she’s got it all. What could possibly be wrong with that?

Conclusion:

The overwhelming lesson of the make-over movie is that you must physically change for the object of your affection to pay any sort of attention to you. This is of course true, but there is another very important lesson to be learned: the resources for said make-over are available all around you! This shouldn’t be something you have to attempt on your own. As long as you have some slutty friends, a few expendable bills, or the will to partake in a bit of good old-fashioned blackmail, the possibilities are endless! So get yourself a make-over today. Mental betterment? Please. Who are you trying to kid? Only yourself sucker, only yourself.