Humiliating Movie Deaths

The power of film. You recognize it when you see it. Or feel it. Quotes that stick with you, or a glistening tear rolling down a beautiful cheek. A soaring score that tugs at your heart strings, or a heroic death, a sacrifice that was made for the good of all humankind.

Eh.

What of the overlooked? The filler parts of the film, meant to amuse, move the story’s plot or suspense along, or to act as comic relief? For every poignant film death forever memorialized on the big screen, an extra, a bad guy or some other lesser character has to take one for the team. The yang to the hero’s yin. The black to the white of your starlet’s blank, emotionless eye. Let us look at some of the unfortunate sacrifices that have been made for the good of the plot, and share a moment of silence for these unfortunates.

Raiders of the Lost Ark - The Egyptian guy with the sword.

He comes out swinging with the biggest, shiniest, sharpest sword any of you fools have ever seen. Poor guy. For all his bravado and talent all he gets is shot in the gut by an indifferent Indy, and hoards of third world idiots swarm and cheer. While we laugh.

Jurassic Park - The “professional” hunter Robert Muldoon

This guy spent the entire film talking about what great hunters the Velociraptors are, and how deadly they are, and how they should never be underestimated, and how they always hunt in packs, and he still gets cocky and eaten. Real “clever” dumb ass.

Armageddon - The pilots of the “back-up” space shuttle

These two should have known they were doomed from the second they were cast as the pilots of the back-up space shuttle "Independence." They fly all the way to the deadliest of all meteors on a mission to save the entire world from destruction only to get creamed by some flying debris right as they arrive. Morons.

The Matrix - The cops in the government building

Granted, these guys probably didn’t have any idea what was coming, but they just get slaughtered. They figured their metal detector would be enough to protect the building from any extremist wackos, and boy did they get schooled. Nothing sadder than a faceless, surprised extra in a police uniform, fumbling for his weapon, only to get smoked.

Speed – Hysterical Helen

This shrieking mess of a woman tearfully tries to escape the ill-fated bus after she was warned not to, tempting Dennis Hopper to show the true meaning of his uncompromising nature, by blowing her up. Everyone else survived the bus, Helen. This was your own fault.

The Usual Suspects – Fenster

Benicio del Toro seemingly has received equal billing here, supposedly as important as the four other “suspects,” but when push comes to shove, he’s the first to go. And he doesn’t even merit a death with screen time. Instead, he is conveniently swept under the “Oh that guy? He tried to skip out and was killed” rug.

The Rock – Rouge Marine trying to steal the deadly nerve gas

This guy bites it in the first 5 minutes of the film. He’s got to go, and only to show us, the naïve viewer, what happens to someone when this gas is released. He gets locked in a room with no escape and only one window, to be stared at by David Morse as he dies slowly, painfully, and sizzlingly. Sorry dude. Those are the breaks.

Fargo – The parking lot attendant

This guy exists solely to get shot by Steve Buscemi leaving the Dayton Hudson parking lot after he was shot in the face. Ouch.

Star Wars IV: A New Hope - Every single person on the Death Star

Absolutely classic. The bigger and stronger you get, the more egomaniacal you become. That it would not EVER cross your mind that you are not too powerful to be taken down by a lone rebel is the very height of movie stupidity. A failure of leadership at the highest levels. We’re looking at you, Tarkin. Way to sign the death warrants of all your employees. Wonder how much insurance the Galactic Empire had to pay out on that one.

For all the sacrificed: a moment of silence. May future non-essential characters, actors and extras learn from their important lessons.